The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
The human brain is a wonderful thing, it starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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